From the time we’re born, our brothers and sisters are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and our cautionary tales.
- Jeffrey Kluger, The Sibling Effect
Here’s my view on J##. J## is a quick thinker, he doesn’t know it but he is.
Everyone’s fighting their own battles but J##‘s is purely internal. For J##, he is the Judge, Jury and Executioner of his own thoughts and if he can’t switch his view quick enough between Jury and Executioner he ends up executing himself along with whatever thoughts have overthrown the court.
The Judge brings a case, a bit of back and forth occurs between the Jury and before you know it the Executioner is pacing around tossing petrol on the floor ready to set the place ablaze along with whoever happens to be in the room. With a nod from the Judge, the match is thrown and his mind engulfed in flames.
I think this all happens in the blink of an eye so he thinks ‘what’s up with this?’ And boom, everything’s on fire.
As a brother you’ve gotta be stood on the sidelines ready to wrestle the executioner to the floor and yank the match outa his hand, suspending his self-inflicted sentence.
There’s nothing like a smokable kick up the bum to get the creative juices flowing. Sadly I have zero car in London and a strong respect for my housemates and our squeaky clean address so getting my hands on smokeable creativity is a ballache.
Pushes bike into view
Until now. In and out in a jiffy; no lingering, no chats. Flying down the street, pocket jammed with cash, swip-swap and off I pop, riding off into the night.
Feds flash the lights and I’m out of sight, mans picking up bud on the bike.
Who’s the dancing queen? I’m the dancing queen. Fuck the tambourine, look at me go.
£1 coffee would save London. Been playing with the idea for a while but each time I crunch the numbers the coffee comes out at £2. 5 Students, hot drink backpacks like you see at ski resorts (Google it), contactless reader on the arm, wandering around tube station exits at 9 am. 4 with coffee 1 with milk. Simple shit, no queues, no bollocks, no “would you like to join the club and save 0.34% on your next order”. Just coffee.
Hard to get it under 2 quid. Slimmed down the offering and sacrificed lids bc environment (winkwink) but still coming in at over a quid. Any ideas fill in the box above.
OR uni students dressed up as cabin crew pushing those metallic trollies about doing a 2 min life vest safety exits over there, there and there performance for the jokes every hour or so.
I normally have these ideas when I’m flying but haven’t smoked in months so god knows where this shite comes from.
Charity is on pause until I can find another Director. You need three and it’s kinda a commitment so don’t just wanna grab any old tom dick and harry.
I had a disagreement with a company with cash in the balance and throughout all these proceedings to iron out the creases the bank is referring to them as the name I saved them under in my account which is ‘poofaceshits’. Really isn’t helping in our quest to make amends. Oh also they keep a record of the references against payments so no more signing off payments as shit like ‘launder this 4 me big boy’ , ‘are you sure you pulled out’ and ‘i missed my period’. People don’t tell you when you grow up that there’s a significant maturity cross-over from boy to man.
M####### really didn’t forgive me so that’s the last time I take inspiration on song of the week. She has no problem translating her emotions to english, for example
“i’ve decided to stop pressuring you to tell me certain things, i will trust you to tell me if you want to. But this is your moment to clear your name, cause if you don’t explain yourself, your dignity as a good human being goes down the scale (in my eyes at least)”
Bought a new phone. For a techy guy, there’s nothing I hate more than having to buy a new civilian device. Just bought the best Samsung available, as I do every year. Turns out a lot has changed. This thing is massive and comes with a fucking pen. I put tape over my cameras bc GCHQ has upped their game, this silly slab of glass has more cameras than I have tape which was an inconvenience right off the bat. Phone company caught me cloning my SIM, tut tut.
Best thing in the world is black coffee and orange juice. Makes my taste buds tingle with joy. It’s the kinda call your mum and tell her you won’t be home feeling. Wondered if I could mix them together for the same result, I can’t. Shits nasty. I’ll tape a carton to a thermos. OR get Willy Wonker on it, use some of that bubblegum smart tech.
I have my bike back in London. After a long separation, my best buddy is back in my life, looking better than ever. He really is fucking gorgeous. Life changer. Matt with his bike is a force to be reckoned with.
Default device auto-correct is coded to take the first letter you type as gospel and just deal with whatever comes after. I’m a fast texter so often the first letter is the fuck up, not the rest. This is getting really frustrating and as much as I’d like to spend time learning words I canny spell, I don’t have time for such shannanagons.
In other news, I’m being taken to court for something so small I could make go away with less than 10 clicks online but I wanna show up in a massively oversized suit looking like a kid dressing up in their parent’s clothes, wearing some sort of hat and maybe even with ankle and wrist cuffs to baffle the judge. I’ll have to take a packed lunch. I don’t wanna take the piss but the idea of me munching my sandwiches sipping a juice box halfway through the hearing is the kind of scenes I live for.
Russians have granted Edward Snowden immunity. This, this kinda shit was what the blog used to be all about. I’ll do some reading and put a post together with my views, ideas and accompanying song.
Told M###### this week’s song would be Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go but I lied, she’ll forgive me.
I fell into the trap, again. I blame myself, I should have seen this coming. One decent outcome of the last month is my renewed understanding of my own mental health.
The charity is going ahead. I mean what’s the risk? We could help 1 person and it’d be worthwhile. Had a giggle with an ex-coworker yesterday that this role pushed me to start putting genuine thought into developing a helpline for people who’ve also found themselves a victim of the trap. That was a pretty clear indicator that this shit wasn’t for me.
It’ll be built on a call-centre platform with direct online and over-the-phone access. M brought up a good point about repeat calls and our ability to facilitate multiple conversations between the same two individuals. I’ll have to bolt on some code, both helper and helpee will have access to a unique token to push them onto the same line if available.
I was thinking a few days back about the punishments handed out to criminals convicted of online code-related crimes, usually below 25 years old. Courts can hand you a notice which restricts you from access to the internet or any online connected device. I think it’d make a great screenplay.
A 20-year-old kid caught for writing malicious code, blocked from having access to areas of life you and I take for granted.
A scene with him sat outside the courtroom post-verdict playing snake on his Nokia brick. No Netflix, no order to the table at the Pub. No online interviews for jobs. No Amazon deliveries. The modern life we take in stride would be pulled apart brick by brick pushing him to his inevitable downfall. Haven’t figured out what that would be but put it this way, if I had my laptop and servers taken away from me I’d probably pop a bullet through my skull.
I don’t know, there could be a silver lining to this whole thing, maybe he finds fulfilment in the divide between himself and his online life. Maybe he falls in love?
I had the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had last night, one of those where you wake up well rested and want to get out of bed.