Why do you stay up so late?

In the wee small hours of the morning, nothing is expected of you. Humans are off the clock. It’s overtime, but it’s my time.

I can’t justify spending half my life asleep, oblivious to the darkness that holds internal light.

It’s quiet, no one comes knocking, no one calls. It’s just Matt, and I love his company.

If daytime is the chorus, night is the sweet, sweet solo symphony of thought.

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Dear cute girl in Wilko browsing the same pens as me,

I feel like after our brief chat we connected over our shared love for PaperMate FlexGrip pens – they really are the best for notebooks.

However, when we chose, you reached for the Blue Ink 1.0mm and me the Black 0.7. At that moment, we lost each other. I felt a disturbance between our spark. And that sucks. The gesture of buying yours for you may have seemed like a move toward strengthening our connection when in fact it was, in a way, a goodbye. I simply couldn’t and frankly shouldn’t be with someone who writes in blue ink.

Maybe over time, I could learn to see past this and maybe, just maybe, we could learn to write in whatever colour we goddamn choose, together.

But for now, it’s Au Revoir my little Paper-Mate.

All the best,
M

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Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen

Right now I got to tell you about

The fabulous

Most groovy bellbottoms _Hu

Bellbottoms! _Hu

I’ll start off with 60 odd words I put together on the circle line this morn desperately trying not to pet the guide dog resting his head on my knee

This job isn’t worth running for the train. You know when you get to your platform, see a train that’d get you to work, my current role isn’t worthy of the 3-second jog to beat the doors. I want a job that makes me want to make the train. Not wander down the platform, daydreaming until the next shows up without a care in the world if it ever does.

That’s it.

I watched something a few days back about a couple breaking up because the dude cheated on his wife. She’s all you fucked someone else and he goes you shouldn’t be upset I fucked her, you should be upset I laughed with her which I thought was a great little line.

Makes sense. I’m sure marriage is rough and the whole fuck 1 person for the rest of your life is just bad math but the hurt in this is that he enjoyed her company, ‘twas not just a fuck.

Sometimes I think Grammarly is low-key trying to fuck me over because I haven’t chosen a paid subscription. It’s a real love-hate between us two. I leave my bad grammar in because that’s the vibe. There’s a marriage that would fail, me and Grammarly. Not that I wanna fuck an AI, not yet anyway.

The Director of Operations at Companies House is named John-Mark Frost, which is a hell of a name. Almost as if his mother stuttered to the nurse filling in his birth certificate when asked the little one’s name. Maybe Mark is his real name, John’s probably his Dad or some shit, she just got them confused and corrected herself, nurse wrote both because let’s be honest they ain’t paid enough to deal with that silliness. I’ll email him tomorrow, get to the bottom of this.

On the topic of marriage, I underlined a passage I read a few days back – I’ll grab it real quick

So here was this couple, testing their marriage, looking after it, treating it like a small boat full of helpless people in a very stormy sea.

- to room nineteen, Doris Lessing

Again, all because the husband cheated. Quite a common theme. 

Hope my husband doesn’t cheat on me, eesh

No song today I cba

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Scotland offered a life I could live, but my coat isn’t warm enough and job in London so couldn’t stay forever. 

One thing I loved about Spain is no one knew if you could speak Spanish so they never tried. I enjoyed that. I’ve learnt some Spanish from T#### and M#######, and a bit of Estonian from H#### – less “where can I find a taxi” and more “you’re my favourite flavour”. Estonian girls are the closest we have to mythical creatures. I love the whole London late nights, cheap wine and cuddles on the tube.

Brother and I are writing a lot more. Problem I have is Matthew isn’t the kind of name that screams creativity but my middle name is. So we’re swapping, we’re both going to start introducing ourselves by our middle names.

I’ve played with this idea before, Matthew is the kind of man to take out a mortgage and compliment your mother on her flower arrangements. Raphael writes short stories on the train about the love life of train conductors and their hopes and dreams.

Because it surely can’t be this, the personification of a ticket machine. Equip with the same bugs, errors and dimensions as their metallic, emotionless counterpart.

Do you want to see my railcard?

It’s alright.

No, I insist.

Really it’s fine.

Look at my railcard for the love of god, i’m sorry I broke script but it’s in both our best interests that I prove to you I do in fact qualify for the discounted rate I paid.

Shit see, I just fall into it. Something fascinates me about mundane jobs. A few days ago I jumped off the tube, thousands of people hanging about waiting to get on, so I shout STEP ASIDE, RATS and they shift, almost as though they know exactly what they are and are happy to comply with basic stimuli like loud noises. I respect humans, I am one myself. 

Anyway back to the names. I explained this two names idea to a friend and she jumped straight to Bipolar, which is understandable but I really don’t think it’s that kind of thing. Just living my best life, you know?

Drove back from Scotland, was going to fly but after reading about all those celebs being screwed for flying less than an hour I figured Glasgow to London was a bad look. Stopped in Ashbourne for the night, smoked a joint and went for a late evening walk. Dawned on me that a lot of my key memories, fond or not, revolve around benches. First kiss, first breakup, most breakups tbh, good news, bad news, girls who wanna love you, girls who wanna hate you, sometimes both – the lot.

St Pancras have these cheeky metallic walls which scan the contents of your bags and pockets. They look like this

|_____||_____|

I hate the things so after a quick google and download of their installation instructions I learnt they don’t pick up anything above 2 metres, so I lift my bag to the ceiling and walk through, looks a little silly but worth it to bamboozle the cops. Today was the first and likely not the last time I got called up on it by two very well-groomed officers. After some back and forth of me trying to figure out if they knew about the scanners I explained I didn’t want their silly unethical magnets scrambling my pc and some met officer redeeming my boots points.

Toying with the idea of moving away from the UK, somewhere warm. Don’t feel there’s much left here for me. I need closure from one smallish thing then I’m off. Can’t figure out how I’ll go about it or even if I need to but I’ve been thinking about it daily for close to a year and let’s be honest, I gotta close the door on this. Complicated stuff but I’ll leave Matthew to iron out the details.

Email sign-up is kinda a sweet-sour thing. Great to see people enjoy the reads, strange to see people signing up whose IPs are supposed to be blocked. It’s not that I don’t want them reading, just hurts to know they are. I’ve put emails on hold until I figure out what’s up with the code. 

Song of the week babyyyyyy

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Let’s say you’re Gennady Ayvazyan Russian millionaire, worth a few quid and under investigation for various bollocks but soon enough will end up on a sanctioned list, you’ve got a big ol’ yacht floating around restriction-free waters but you know the clocks ticking on Jonny Law strapping on his lifejacket and boarding the thing. You need to liquidate, sharpish.

You canny sell the thing, the transaction would be caught in transit plus who’s up for dealing with a somewhat sanctioned individual? So you read over your insurance policy and sink the thing.

I don’t know, I doubt they pay out for this but to stick to the sea theme something seems fishy about it. Emergency call was placed at midnight, sank a few hours after.

I’m not joking, this clown sank the thing. For sure. He was hoping it’d be lost to the sea an hour or so after but unfortunately for this muppet the Italian coast guard is pretty good at what they do so now there’s a full HD vid of his silly ship taking a dive in broad daylight.

BBC: The reason the yacht sank is being investigated.

If you’ve got big bucks and a few years to spare, now is the time to be buying up Russian assets on the cheap.

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