blackmailing through giftcards

so you get all the cards you can, all of them, whatever’s left in the market. Visa has databases full of details of who owns what gift card. I buy it all, reduced. I go to the company and say ‘hey, buy this off me pls’ and if they say no, I’ll be like ‘oh okay sure, I’ll spend it then’ and they’re all like ‘whoa whoa whoa whoa oh hey mister low yeah okay sure we’ll take that off your hands’ and then I jack the price way up, like 80% of the face value. THEY’VE GOT TO BUY. I can’t just spend hundreds of thousands of fake money with no notice, this is credit we’re talking about, the company would sink. So they’ve got to buy you out or they’re ruined…

There must be a name for this con, there’s no way I’m the first prick to wanna do this. You could sell it as a service. I’d call it ‘The ol’ pump and dump’. Schuh wanna take over FootLocker but they’re worth too much (Asset wise), way outa their economic league and I go oh hey I’ll ruin their accounts for you. I’ll buy up every unused gift card they have ever issued and threaten to spend them, all at once. I need some new shoes anyway. When they see me roll in, in my fucked up Converse they’ll know I ain’t fucking about. You’ll have the company in a week, no prob, they’ll have to sell. And they’re like cool well how much do you charge? and I’m like oh just 0.5% of the original selling price of the company you want to buy. It’s all commission baby, you win I win. Let me just pull you lot to the side and remind you Footlocker is worth $6.17B total, 0.5% is a nice chunk AT $30.85 MILLION DOLLARS so yes, I’d like half in cash and half in my shitty free railcard giving overdrawn student account pls and thank you. I’m rolling out with 30mil under my arm, I head for some food and my mum texts me saying grab milk and bananas and I’m like shit I forgot I’m living a full-on life, you can’t do shit like this you’ll end up dead at the bottom of Carsington fucking Water within the week. Then again I’m the guy FootLocker calls to get rid of a problem like this so if I’m the problem maybe that’s a sweet little riddle for them to worry about. As a side note, I actually fucking love that place so I’d like somewhat of a Carsington themed funeral, mainly around the stone circle. The water treatment one, not the shitty one near the visitor centre.

Anyway, where was I, oh yeah someone mentioned business as art and I can’t get my head off it. Business as an art form. How fucking gorgeous is that. Risk, calculated and fluid. A machine that maintains itself. An ecosystem of reliability. Really getting into my art stuff. I’m definitely my mother’s son.

Back to scammin, you could build huge asset management firms with money like this, control the market all over. Pick an industry and watch them sign the place over to you. A heist in plain sight. I mean sure people would notice but employees are made redundant every damn day, they don’t think twice about it. The only people that would be pissed would be the shareholders, and they’re sat next to ya doing coke and fucking whores all night. So you’d get over it, they’d get over it. It’s work. There are no repercussions. You pick another and do it all over again tomorrow. That ladies and gentlemen is my best understanding of the stock market, to date. Goodnight. Bows