• magic stars

    people try and bribe you with cash but I swear, a discreetly offered pack of rainbow drops and i’m anyones ‍ you can’t put a price on unexpected rainbow drops. put your money away mate, head for the corner shop and pick me up something I can work with you know what i’m saying? amateurs…

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  • atoms

    I find it funny that humans are just a bunch of atoms. And we get close with someone and our atoms are like ‘yeah I wanna spend some more time around those atoms, whatever they got we want it’. And being turned on, are your atoms looking for the action at the heart of it?…

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  • So what’s the key to a successful affair

    ‍ I’ve never had an affair, never been married. I think it can only be an affair if you’re married to the person you’re screwing over? Let me check. Oh Jesus it gets a bit complicated. Long story short you don’t have to be married to someone to have an affair, I guess there are…

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  • 2am – somewhere in amsterdam

    Met an Irish girl who called escalators the ‘upscalator’ and ‘downscalator’. I swear that killed me First time I’ve ever regretted not getting someones number ‍ I don’t wanna die on this planet. ‍ Song of the week

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  • The Zimmer frame

    Hate going to the hospital, for whatever reason. The place is too clean. Luckily this time I wasn’t the one busted up but I can’t say sitting in the car for 5 hours isn’t painful. Seems Joe burnt himself on his Sizzle Kitchen, ouch. We were stood in the waiting room and a man, of…

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