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My Shadow
Gather my shadow, hold him in my palm, for where we’re off, know not of calm. Hidden in my hold so tight, We venture forth through damaged night. I see the man I wish to be, Standing tall amongst the trees. Leaning down he takes my wrist, And frees my shadow from my fist. Springing…
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That man chatted so much shit
So glad Osama Bin Ladin didn’t have access to the Internet during his 5 years break. Welcome to speedy suicides, our first guest is Matt from Derbyshire. Tell me a little about yourself Matt… “Can we start” “Hahaaa” and up against Matt is Hannah, from Warwickshire I believe? “I don’t want to die” crying “Awesome.…
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Mama A
Chimps don’t want to speak English, we’d end up giving them jobs. Mina pregnant. On her first appointment for the shall I sharnt I clinic there was a magazine called ‘Mama Academy’ Roasted sugar nuts are the tits. The only way I can get my hands on a whole bunch would be to have the…
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fridge door opposite
Constantly feel like an idiot trying to open the fridge from the wrong side.
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eesh
If my future husband gets his clothes from a home delivery virtual fashion service, i’m no longer married. That shit is for gays who don’t have the balls to be gay. Is that homophobic? The clothes are shit
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cat trap
I lost the cat. I can’t find the cat. Did i really lose her if she was never here? She should be here. Where is she? This was the job. Look after the cat. But no cat. The posibilities are racing through my mind. Cats get in suitcases, suitcases that are left for packing, packing…
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The Earplug Diaries
Airports must be hell for autistic people. Everything’s so loud and bright. Wading through the tide of perfume slingers, their scents combining into a curtain like cloud between you and the safety of your gate. Even getting that far is an unspoken achievement. They take your bag, give it a sticker and send it on…
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Bab on da bus
The baby on board stickers you see in cars aren’t to have you behave and not honk a sleeping child, they’re for paramedics knowing which vehicle to give attention to first in an accident. Which is kind of morbid. 2 babies on plane, don’t think you have to pay. They’re likely classified as hand luggage.…