-
Mama A
Chimps don’t want to speak English, we’d end up giving them jobs. Mina pregnant. On her first appointment for the shall I sharnt I clinic there was a magazine called ‘Mama Academy’ Roasted sugar nuts are the tits. The only way I can get my hands on a whole bunch would be to have the…
-
jog on
If you ain’t running, you’re what sucks about America I get the running vibe, i’m sure it happens in London, i’m just not up early enough to see. It’s a huge contrast to what the rest of the world see America as. They’re definitely in their own bubble. The fascination of war, the domination of…
-
bad bud
I want to test what’s in these edibles This isn’t weed Is the British government worried we’re all going to go communist? Whoever provides our food and work give us a fare wage for our time. Who’s communist party is your government under? Amazon plc. That sucks, I got Heroku warriors.
-
eesh
If my future husband gets his clothes from a home delivery virtual fashion service, i’m no longer married. That shit is for gays who don’t have the balls to be gay. Is that homophobic? The clothes are shit
-
The Earplug Diaries
Airports must be hell for autistic people. Everything’s so loud and bright. Wading through the tide of perfume slingers, their scents combining into a curtain like cloud between you and the safety of your gate. Even getting that far is an unspoken achievement. They take your bag, give it a sticker and send it on…
-
Bab on da bus
The baby on board stickers you see in cars aren’t to have you behave and not honk a sleeping child, they’re for paramedics knowing which vehicle to give attention to first in an accident. Which is kind of morbid. 2 babies on plane, don’t think you have to pay. They’re likely classified as hand luggage.…
-
Carluccios Man
Meeting Joe or coffee on a wim. Sat down, watched a man sit outside the window, unfold a napkin over his leg, and eat the leftovers from four plates. The second he was sat and had shovelled all the onto one plate, he relaxed. Lay back and ate as if the food was just laid…
-
US
I realised today whilst packing I don’t own 23KG of anything Leaving to the US “Be Safe” x100 is my dads way of saying “don’t do ####### in New York” Ever since i’ve stopped sharing my progress, they seem to assume i’ve gone off track. Little do they know i’m on track for victory. Suck…
-
Tumble dryer
Dear bouncing barrel of warm air, we don’t need you environmentally friendly. If I wanted dry clothes in 2 hours i’d have Rufus lie on them. Our old dryer nuked clothes. I’m saying 30 mins and the full load, done. We moved and had to get rid of it, pretty sure it went against the…
-
Snow storm
My life, since telling my parents about my drug addiction, has become complicated in a cocktail of ways. The main and most prominent issue is their total lack of trust in me financially. Of course, drug use and poverty go hand in hand, skipping through the dirt and snow, but I’d like to think that…