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because why?
So there’s more than one Matthew Low out there. I’m hands down the coolest but a close second is Matthew Low Consultant Physiotherapist with Matthew Low Bluebell Capital Partners coming in third. That lad’s kinda letting us down with boring job and all but we move. Now, the Matthew Low that I spend most of my time thinking about…
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The Diamond Thief
How many sugars someone has in their tea is the truest sign of British Sanity available. I’ll do a graph My little cousin (5) and her friend came over yesterday after school because they were locked outa their house. They start taking off their shoes and I’m like ‘Nah don’t worry about ya…
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bic lighter
Uh oh, menu without prices – this better be good. Showing your face at a bank, strictly for criminals. I don’t know, I just think half the world has online banking and no one’s ever doing anything more complex than paying in or out. Unless you’re a criminal. They walk in and the teller…
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Fraud Flights
Christmas but you can only buy presents off the shopping channel. I love this stuff, you know it’s crazy. All junk but the guy’s all coked up chatting at a thousand words a second and you start nodding to yourself like yeah…yeah, it-chops-it-slices-it-dices, one knife for everything. I like the sound of this, I like…
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tubby toast
This is the 100th post on the site. 🙌 From the time we’re born, our brothers and sisters are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and our cautionary tales. – Jeffrey Kluger, The Sibling Effect Here’s my view on J##. J## is a quick thinker, he doesn’t know it but he is.…
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hit the road, Jack
My bicycle has 2 wheels and no wings, yet I fly. There’s nothing like a smokable kick up the bum to get the creative juices flowing. Sadly I have zero car in London and a strong respect for my housemates and our squeaky clean address so getting my hands on smokeable creativity is a ballache.…
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rich in vitamin me
Who’s the dancing queen? I’m the dancing queen. Fuck the tambourine, look at me go. £1 coffee would save London. Been playing with the idea for a while but each time I crunch the numbers the coffee comes out at £2. 5 Students, hot drink backpacks like you see at ski resorts (Google it), contactless…
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silly sausage
Let’s say you’re Gennady Ayvazyan Russian millionaire, worth a few quid and under investigation for various bollocks but soon enough will end up on a sanctioned list, you’ve got a big ol’ yacht floating around restriction-free waters but you know the clocks ticking on Jonny Law strapping on his lifejacket and boarding the thing. You…
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new job
If zoos let you check out animals like library books Matt: *Walks up to desk with monkey on shoulders, slaps down zoo card* Attendant: you cant have the monkey, you already have a lion and a goat checked out. Plus the goat is 3 weeks overdue. Matt: listen you can have the lion, I’ll bring…
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Bastet, daughter of Re
Back to the cats – and about god damn time We’re getting through the cat food, I think we have three cats on the go atm. I’m sure of two, one well-groomed posh kinda cat and one fucked up white battered old thing looking for a scrap. The third was a black cat but we…