If zoos let you check out animals like library books
Matt: *Walks up to desk with monkey on shoulders, slaps down zoo card*
Attendant: you cant have the monkey, you already have a lion and a goat checked out. Plus the goat is 3 weeks overdue.
Matt: listen you can have the lion, I’ll bring him back tomorrow
Attendant: what about the goat
Matt: i’m keeping the goat
Attendant: You can’t keep the goat
Matt: i’ll pay the damn fee but put it this way you ain’t getting the goat back
Attendant: do you still have possession of the goat
Matt: of course
Attendant: …
Matt: listen I take good care of my animals. They’re both very happy, very well fed.
Attendant: and the lion?
Matt: especially the lion
Attendant: what
Matt: what
The End
today I realised its Girls Aloud not Girls Allowed
events are getting way more laid back with their canapés. if its ever my wedding i’m gonna have fat strips of pepper topped with a single monster munch separated by lines of cocaine
monster munch are the guerilla terrorist of the food industry