Matthew Low
1999 – 2025
The beloved short story author, accidental entrepreneur, and self-declared “threlanthrapist” Matthew Low has tragically died at age 25 while rescuing a boat full of orphans from a sudden shark attack.
In his short but alarmingly productive life, Matthew wrote dozens of short stories and founded several startups—including his most well-known venture, Rent A Cloud.
Known for his brilliance and boldness, Matthew often claimed he could speak fluent dolphin. While this was never verified, he was once seen arguing with a fish off the coast of Tenerife.
He is survived by a half-finished novel, several confused investors, and the orphans, who reportedly described him as “fucked”.
No funeral is planned, per Matthew’s wishes to be “pushed off back of big boat for big splash”