I’m too high, that’s the problem.
The earth’s gonna be gone soon anyway, go nuts.
Last night was the first I’d spent without using cocaine, ketamine, speed, hash, MDMA and weed and tabacco I guess. The cocaine is the biggest issue due to its toxicity and frequent use so I’ll be writing about that. Not to get emotional or anything but life seems hard to live when you’re dead so it had to stop or it would have stopped itself.
The withdrawal symptoms are more than noticeable but all I can do is tick them off a mental list of ‘things that one may or may not feel when reducing the use of nose clams and other silly substances’. The paranoia is real, and easily the most prominent. I won’t delve into detail as I’ll sound like a fucking nutter and I know what I am, I’m working on this so just sit back, relax and trust the process.
The firework display in my vision at around 4am accompanied by my body’s need to sweat constantly for 2 hours was the most my dumb little brain could do to remind me that I hadn’t done a line for some time. It’s 8:16am, I’m reading back my writing with some fluidity but any external expression of emotion like speech is pretty fragmented so I’m sticking to internal so as not to seem like I’m struggling.
As shit as I feel my heart is almost thankful for his night off, which makes me feel I’m going in the right direction. I’ve been told my memory will come back over time, that would be cool.
When you overuse stimulants your life is stripped of natural moments and replaced with artificial sparks of happiness, something you can only replicate with the drug. Cocaine is addictive. I never saw myself as ever being a cocaine addict because the highs never felt the kind that I’d be chasing, and they weren’t. The euphoria disappears after a month of constant use. All you have left is the feeling that your body isn’t in pain, for a short burst of time. Your tolerance goes sky high in the space of weeks leaving you to buy more and more just to feel level. Sadly, she is no longer the playboy seductress I once thought. Only a siren waiting to corrupt your spirit. Long time readers will be aware, this isn’t the first time I’ve fallen for the wrong girl.
That’s enough for now.