I’ve never had an affair, never been married. I think it can only be an affair if you’re married to the person you’re screwing over? Let me check. Oh Jesus it gets a bit complicated. Long story short you don’t have to be married to someone to have an affair, I guess there are two sides to that coin.
Anyway, what am I getting at. So, if somethings going to be done, it best be done properly. That’s where I come in. A friend threw this idea into conversation and it really stuck with me. I’m sure the market is flooded with professional services to help you cheat on your significant other but I’d be looking for a luxury, all-inclusive kind of package. The kind of security I use for the dodgy stuff.
The model would have to be built on what usually gets the couple caught. Unsecured texts, bumped into in public, general suspicion. You get the drift. The part that adds complexity is the suspector. This is someone who’ll know your client better than anyone in this world. It’s one thing hiding something from the government, another thing from the woman you sleep next to at night – really isn’t going to be as simple as encrypted messages. You’d have to form personas, give them a whole new identity that can be free to bounce around in the mind of the victim but not spark any questioning emotions. Enough of a background that if the victim went searching for answers they’d trigger an alert. A phone number, website, anything that can be interacted with to alert that they’re onto you.
Off the top of my head, something liable would be a therapist. A person who is met face to face in exchange for funds, that covers the where and why and we’d leave the what up to them. ‘How was your meeting honey?’ something that can be brought up in conversation and brushed off as personal enough to be left but trustworthy enough to be left for good. We’d have to set up some billing accounts. A payment address that clients can pay into which materialise as cash, hotel reservations and the skills provided to let them fuck around unnoticed.
I might have to give an update on this one, it’s a grey area but I can’t see it crossing any red tape.
Something to keep in mind, there are three, possibly four clients at play here from one account. First, you have the cheater, then the cheatee, the cheated on and possibly a second affair on your hands. Let’s say it all goes well, you’re billing the two lovers and they’re enjoying their time together. The cheated-on starts to get suspicious, you could easily sell that information back to them. If it seems like the account is going to fall through anyway, just sell them a where and when and let them do the rest. You’ll have lost the client in a week anyway. Either that or you push another lover their way like ‘Hey, your man is fucking his assistant but we’ve found a gorgeous lad for you to screw in the meantime’.
Then there’s the ethical dilemma. Am I the kind of guy to facilitate this kind of service? What if kids are involved? And who can trust me not to blackmail the cheater a month in?
I’ll have a think on it.
This would be cheating for pussies. What’s cheating if there isn’t a chance you’d get caught?