thinks

I hope other people struggle to sleep as much as I do, feels crap thinking I’m having to deal with this shit on my ones. I dated a girl who slept really well, like on the dot whenever wherever and being honest I was jealous. Was definitely one of the reasons why we fell apart, couldn’t stand any more nights lying with someone feeling uncontrollably alone. To me, if I’m awake I should be doing stuff. I never remember falling asleep or even getting tired, I just wake up and kinda feel a bit meh. Never understood why humans spend so much time asleep. Can you imagine how much further we’d be along as a species if we slept like 4 hours a night?! We’d get so much shit done. Sleeping every night just isn’t normal, not to me anyway. I need to spend more time with people who struggle to sleep. I can have my day stuff, work, meetings, uni, friends then when they’re all asleep I go find my nocturnal friends and we take over the world for the evening until we pass out. My auntie once told me to look for a partner that doesn’t have the same issues as you, which I kinda get. I’d love to date someone who never slept but being honest I’d be so unhealthy. Any relationship I’ve ever been in ends due to me not wanting to be pulled into a comfort zone. Like one day you wake up and just feel like the rest, just another apple on the tree. Now, I admit, it is tempting. To just be calm, find someone, find a rhythm, holidays, family meals, 9 til 5s, cheap furniture, that structure to live and know each day brings the same. It’s tempting. I don’t know, in a few years someone might persuade me. Yeah that’s quite a nice way to put it, all I need is someone to tell me when it’s time to go to bed. An invitation to relax. Until then, it’s you and me bud.