what da fuck

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The last post has had me spending the day daydreaming about some of the best memories I have with this bike, i’ll share a few

The Naughty Boyfriend

Whilst living in Oxford I did a silly thing and fooled around with a girl who I did not know at the time was involved with a lad named #####. Now this lad seemed alright and faced with the news of his girls and my naughtiness, he really didn’t cross too many lines. A byproduct of his reaction would be my bike tyres spending a lot of their days punctured.

Now I couldn’t prove this was ##### but it doesn’t take a genius. I spent the first night boiling over the many ways in which his life was soon to end and when I settled on pouring petrol through his letter box and lighting a match I went to fix the bike which was lush. I love working on my bike, it’s so relaxing and meets no confrontation other than supplies and technical know-how, of which I had buckets. This went on for maybe 2 weeks but each day i’d return home, see a tyre was flat and just get a tingle of excitement at the night ahead AND I CONTINUED TO FUCK HIS GIRLFRIEND so win win.

Sonic jigsaw

I used to live just outside West Ferry DLR station in London. Just up the road, across from the cop shop theres a big old junction with roads going every which way. I’d spend some mornings cycling into Stratford, mainly road but some was along the canal. Lush. One day I boot it stratford, go Cancer Research, swap £1.50 in coins for an 1000 piece jigsaw and cycle back speed a’ light. This is the only time i’ve ever been knocked off my bike. I get to that stupid junction and a cab clips the bike and me and jigsaw go flying.

I stand up, check all my limbs are in their usual position and colour, look up and see the jigsaw is fucking everywhere like liberally scattered across every lane. I’m stood looking at the mess just thinking number 1 I bet i looked like sonic the hedgehog when he loses a life, coins all over the gaff and 2, am i fuck picking all this up. Cabbie was really sweet, gave me 50 quid and i hopped back on the bike and returned to Cancer Research for another.

Weeks went by and my silly soggy jigsaw pieces were still sat on that junction, like discarded confetti at a wedding.

The rug
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Dentist
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Flat outside coop
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