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levis jeans
mans got a banana in his back pocketyou can’t mess with a man with a banana in his back pocketboys carry fagsmen carry fruithe’s got a banana in his back…
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blackmailing through giftcards
so you get all the cards you can, all of them, whatever’s left in the market. Visa has databases full of details of who owns what gift card. I buy…
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smh
If I had access to interdimensional travel, I’d move to a new universe, everything the same, a complete duplicate of Planet Earth except Levi’s Jeans are 20 quid. It doesn’t…
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Ikea was sick
I’m out of ####. I ain’t buying any more. I’m happy though. Time to come back down to Earth, Pluto’s fun but it’s hard to breathe. Starting to worry I…
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.gov
The first thing I do when I get home is to check the police aren’t sat in my living room. I don’t think there’ll ever be a time where I…
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Fatboy Slim is skinny af
Time to cut down on the drugs. The dog can’t take it anymore. Every 10 mins I dive onto the bed to scrub her head like mad and berate her…
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atoms
I find it funny that humans are just a bunch of atoms. And we get close with someone and our atoms are like ‘yeah I wanna spend some more time…
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Flight MU573
Imagine flying a plane and its systems decide to malfunction and swap its X and Y-axis. Forward is down, up is forward. Within seconds the plane’s balance would be working…
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charity shop jeans + no haircut = sexy matt
Eli (Dog next door) is a cunt. I’m gonna drop kick that fucker to Leicester I swear Fuck fair fuck that whole thing I did something about it and it…
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goose fair
You know when you buy a snack ‘for later’ and you just don’t eat it. Yeah that’s me Some things just aren’t fair. But we use fairness as a gauge…